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<?php
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function pirate_help($section) {
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switch ($section) {
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case 'admin/modules#description':
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return t("Avast ye scurvy dogs!");
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}
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}
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function pirate_filter($op, $delta = 0, $format = -1, $text = '') {
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switch ($op) {
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case 'list':
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return array(0 => t('Pirate filter'));
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case 'description':
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return t('Ah, Squiddy! I got nothing against ye. I just heard there was gold in yer belly. Ha ha har, ha ha ha har!');
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case 'process':
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if (date('md') != '0919') {
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return $text;
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}
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$patterns = array(
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'%\bmy\b%' => 'me',
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'%\bboss\b%' => 'admiral',
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'%\bmanager\b%' => 'admiral',
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'%\b[Cc]aptain\b%' => "Cap'n",
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'%\bmyself\b%' => 'meself',
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'%\byour\b%' => 'yer',
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'%\byou\b%' => 'ye',
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'%\bfriend\b%' => 'matey',
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'%\bfriends\b%' => 'maties',
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'%\bco[-]?worker\b%' => 'shipmate',
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'%\bco[-]?workers\b%' => 'shipmates',
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'%\bpeople\b%' => 'scallywags',
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'%\bearlier\b%' => 'afore',
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'%\bold\b%' => 'auld',
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'%\bthe\b%' => "th'",
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'%\bof\b%' => "o'",
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"%\bdon't\b%" => "dern't",
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'%\bdo not\b%' => "dern't",
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'%\bnever\b%' => "no nay ne'er",
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'%\bever\b%' => "e'er",
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'%\bover\b%' => "o'er",
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'%\bYes\b%' => 'Aye',
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'%\bNo\b%' => 'Nay',
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'%\bYeah\b%' => 'Aye',
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'%\byeah\b%' => 'aye',
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'%\bare\b%' => 'be',
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'%\bDrupalists\b%' => 'Bucaneers',
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'%\bthere\b%' => 'thar',
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'%b\bnot\b%' => 'nay',
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'%\bdesign\b%' => 'bounty',
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'%\bonline\b%' => 'on the plank',
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'/and\b/' => "an'",
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'/ious\b/' => "i'us",
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"%\bdon't know\b%" => "dinna",
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"%\bdidn't know\b%" => "did nay know",
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"%\bhadn't\b%" => "ha'nae",
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"%\bdidn't\b%"=> "di'nae",
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"%\bwasn't\b%" => "weren't",
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"%\bhaven't\b%" => "ha'nae",
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'%\bfor\b%' => 'fer',
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'%\bbetween\b%' => 'betwixt',
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'%\baround\b%' => "aroun'",
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'%\bto\b%' => "t'",
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"%\bit's\b%" => "'tis",
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'%\bwoman\b%' => 'wench',
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'%\bwomen\b%' => 'wenches',
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'%\blady\b%' => 'wench',
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'%\bwife\b%' => 'lady',
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'%\bgirl\b%' => 'lass',
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'%\bgirls\b%' => 'lassies',
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'%\bguy\b%' => 'lubber',
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'%\bman\b%' => 'lubber',
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'%\bfellow\b%' => 'lubber',
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'%\bdude\b%' => 'lubber',
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'%\bboy\b%' => 'lad',
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'%\bboys\b%' => 'laddies',
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'%\bchildren\b%' => 'little sandcrabs',
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'%\bkids\b%' => 'minnows',
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'%\bhim\b%' => 'that scurvey dog',
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'%\bher\b%' => 'that comely wench',
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'%\bhim\.\b%' => 'that drunken sailor',
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'%\bHe\b%' => 'The ornery cuss',
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'%\bShe\b%' => 'The winsome lass',
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"%\bhe's\b%" => 'he be',
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"%\bshe's\b%" => 'she be',
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'%\bwas\b%' => "were bein'",
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'%\bHey\b%' => 'Avast',
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'%\bher\.\b%' => 'that lovely lass',
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'%\bfood\b%' => 'chow',
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'%\bmoney\b%' => 'dubloons',
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'%\bdollars\b%' => 'pieces of eight',
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'%\bcents\b%' => 'shillings',
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'%\broad\b%' => 'sea',
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'%\broads\b%' => 'seas',
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'%\bstreet\b%' => 'river',
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'%\bstreets\b%' => 'rivers',
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'%\bhighway\b%' => 'ocean',
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'%\bhighways\b%' => 'oceans',
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'%\binterstate\b%' => 'high sea',
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'%\bprobably\b%' => 'likely',
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'%\bidea\b%' => 'notion',
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'%\bcar\b%' => 'boat',
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'%\bcars\b%' => 'boats',
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'%\btruck\b%' => 'schooner',
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'%\btrucks\b%' => 'schooners',
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'%\bSUV\b%' => 'ship',
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'%\bairplane\b%' => 'flying machine',
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'%\bjet\b%' => 'flying machine',
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'%\bmachine\b%' => 'contraption',
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'%\bdriving\b%' => 'sailing',
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'%\bunderstand\b%' => 'reckon',
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'%\bdrive\b%' => 'sail',
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'%\bdied\b%' => 'snuffed it',
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'/ing\b/' => "in'",
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'/ings\b/' => "in's",
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// These next two do cool random substitutions
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'/(\.\s)/e' => 'avast("$0",3)',
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'/([!\?]\s)/e' => 'avast("$0",2)', // Greater chance after exclamation
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);
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foreach ($patterns as $pattern_search => $pattern_replace) {
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$text = preg_replace($pattern_search, $pattern_replace, $text);
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}
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return $text;
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default:
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return $text;
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}
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}
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function pirate_filter_tips($delta, $format, $long = FALSE) {
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return "Avast! This website be taken over by pirates on September 19th. Yarr!";
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}
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// support function for pirate()
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// this could probably be refactored to make it more generic, allowing
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// different filters to pass their own patterns in.
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function avast($stub = '',$chance = 5) {
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$shouts = array(
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", avast$stub",
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"$stub Ahoy!",
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", and a bottle of rum!",
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", by Blackbeard's sword$stub",
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", by Davy Jones' locker$stub",
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"$stub Walk the plank!",
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"$stub Aarrr!",
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"$stub Yaaarrrrr!",
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", pass the grog!",
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", and dinna spare the whip!",
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", with a chest full of booty$stub",
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", and a bucket o' chum$stub",
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", we'll keel-haul ye!",
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"$stub Shiver me timbers!",
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"$stub And hoist the mainsail!",
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"$stub And swab the deck!",
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", ye scurvey dog$stub",
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"$stub Fire the cannons!",
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", to be sure$stub",
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", I'll warrant ye$stub",
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", on a dead man's chest!",
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"$stub Load the cannons!",
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"$stub Prepare to be boarded!",
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", I'll warrant ye$stub",
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"$stub Ye'll be sleepin' with the fishes!",
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"$stub The sharks will eat well tonight!",
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"$stub Oho!",
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"$stub Fetch me spyglass!",
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", shiver me timbers",
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", yo ho, ho",
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", ya bilge rat!",
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", Get out of me rum!",
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", feed the fishes",
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", me Jolly Roger",
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", Ya horn swogglin' scurvy cur!",
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", Ya swabbie!",
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", All Hands Hoay!",
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", Avast me hearties!",
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", Dance the Hempen Jig",
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", Hornswaggle",
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", Ya lily livered swabbie!",
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);
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shuffle($shouts);
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return (((1 == rand(1,$chance))?array_shift($shouts):$stub) . ' ');
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}
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